When I first came to Singapore (from Myanmar) many years ago, I had to acclimate to several culture differences. However, one in particular stood out in my mind and to this day, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it.
Last Chinese New Year, I went over to a friend’s house to visit. I decided to bring along a box of pastries for his family. They warmly welcomed me into their home, but when I handed over the box of pastries to his mother, I was taken aback by her response. Instead of just accepting it and thanking me, the mother started to chide me for spending money on it and then went on to exclaim how I should not have gotten it for them at all. As I was not expecting such a response, I was stumped and a little offended.
In the culture that I grew up in, when someone gives me a gift, I am to accept it willingly and most happily. This is to show appreciation for the thought and effort that went into preparing the gift. The giver would also be happy to know how much the receiver appreciates the gift. It is deemed rude to refuse a gift. Therefore, her reaction was a little jarring for me.
Nevertheless, I knew that there must be a reason behind her protests before she accepted the gift. So, I consulted my friend on this matter. He explained to me that it is the culture of the older generation to not accept the gift right away. According to him, the more expensive the gift is, the more refusals/protests you may encounter before the intended person finally accepts the gift. There is actually a “procedure” before one accepts a gift from non family members. It is their way of showing courtesy. This incident really hit home to me that to communicate effectively with people from different cultures, I have to truly try to understand their perception of courtesy, values and the intentions behind their verbal/non-verbal communication. Only then, we can build successful relationships with people from different cultures.
I have a question for those who are familiar with Singapore's culture: is this kind of response the norm and is it only practised by the older generation? I would love to have greater insight into the culture of giving and accepting gifts.
EDITED
