I guess I have always taken effective communication for granted. To tell you the truth, it was quite a foreign concept to me till I started my university education. See, I have always thought that effective communication is instinctive. Some people will excel at it and some people would just struggle with it, naturally. And I still believe that, that is true to a certain extent. For instance, I have always admired my eldest sister, who could hold a conversation with just about anyone she meets, regardless of age group or gender or culture. However, I have also realised recently that effective communication skills can actually be nurtured and that I can be intentional about it to improve myself in this regard.
Sometimes I would wonder why certain conversations with certain people would end with awkward silences. Most times, I attributed it to the fact that we just do not “click” and then I would just try to avoid conversation with said person the next time. It really did not occur to me that, hey, perhaps I should be trying to be a more effective communicator. Perhaps I am asking closed-ended questions that are killing the conversation. Or perhaps I am just not providing enough verbal and non-verbal feedback to the other party to encourage them to share more with me.
I still have a long way to go in learning how to communicate effectively, especially in formal settings but better late than never, right?
Thanks, May, for making this clear, concise post. I find it interesting that you mention that you always thought good comm skills were instinctual. I'd say many people feel that way, and in fact, there are some people -- your sister might be one of them -- whose skills seem very natural indeed.
ReplyDeleteAs you mention though, nurturing can make a difference. (Of course, with an educator's point of view, I would have to agree, even if I have met some people whose obstinate refusal to "develop" seems to defy that belief.) That's precisely why this course is being offered and why, I assume, you are here. Your reflection on how "closed questions" can be conversation stoppers is an example of how just one week of lessons can broaden a student's perspective.
As for the impact of your written comm in this post, I'd say everything works except the rhetorical additions such as "See" in the first paragraph, "hey" in the second, and the question "right?" in the end. Those ornaments take your ideas just one step too close to a conversation.
Don't take that as overly negative criticism though. I enjoyed this post and look forward to reading more from you.
I have always think that communication failure lies in the fault of the initiator (myself). After all, it is our ability to hold and control the flow of the conversation so that effective communication can be achieved.
ReplyDeleteI do admit that being in NUS makes me feel rushed and most of the time, I don't feel like holding a conversation too long or even at all because I need to rush to my next assignment or appointment or another agenda on my to-do list.
Hi Brad,
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking the time to comment on my post. I actually agree with you regarding some of the words I used in the post. In fact, I debated with myself whether to put those in or not, but I was not sure how formal the blog posts needed to be. Thanks for clarifying! It gave me a better idea of how to approach the next blog entries. :)
Hey Yongxin,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment! It's interesting that you mentioned how time is a big factor in our communication with other people, especially in this university environment. I completely agree with you. The quality of our communication really seems dependent on how much time we have on hand. I am not sure how it works in other faculties but it is definitely evident in Engineering, unfortunately. People don't feel like investing time in a conversation that they feel, might not be fruitful.
Hi May,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that many people take effective communication as being "instinctive". Even till this moment, there are people out there feeling very puzzled on my choice of course - ES2007S.
Your sister might seem to be a born communicator, but having short conversation with you for the past few lessons has shown that you can communicate well with people as well. The problem might be the environment.
Maybe NUS people are just too busy with their academic stuff to the extend that they cannot afford to have a nice conversation over coffee? Oh well, this is just my assumptions. Lets just have fun at ES2007S! =)
Hi May,
ReplyDeleteAlthough it is true that some people are just more talkative then others i also believe that one has to put in effort to keep a conversation going. As long as there is one uninterested person any conversation would soon die out. I have been in such situation and therefore understand exactly how you feel.
Cheers.
Hi may~
ReplyDeleteI can understand the feeling that when you try to talk with sb, but the conversation just ends with silence. It is uncomfortable and I will keep asking myself, am I wrong or did I mention sth the person did not want to ?I remember during a certain period, my brain had been set into two parts, one part was concentrating on the conversation, the other part, was trying to search for new topics when someone stopped talking. This was tired and sometimes even though I was quite outgoing I still felt I would prefer to stay alone for a certain time. I think I needed to learn communication effectively to save my energy as well as to enjoy the joy when talking with people.